My morning is off to a rough start.
I had an odd text exchange with a friend. You know the kind where you know your words are so misunderstood but you’re not sure how to make yourself and your true feelings known…
The person on the other end may have felt the same way. I’m not sure. But the reason I am telling you this is because underneath all of our layers as humans, we just want to be seen and understood for who we truly are.
Isn’t that such a glorious concept! – Living in a utopia where we are consistently seen and understood for who we truly are?
Unfortunately, being seen and understood for who you truly are is a rare occurrence. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but I think it is the exception to the rule.
I’ve spent a lot of time and energy in relationships trying to be seen and understood for who I am. I have shared my heart, my words, my time with people in an attempt to cultivate relationships built on authenticity.
But here is the kicker – not everyone is capable of cultivating relationships built on authenticity. Not everyone is capable of seeing and understanding you for who you are – primarily because they do not see or understand themselves for who they truly are.
It requires a fair amount of spiritual depth to practice self-love and self-acceptance which are the core of seeing and understanding your own authentic self. Am I right? So we cannot expect someone who does not readily practice self-love and self-acceptance to extend those things to us. It is not realistic.
While this is a slightly uncomfortable/vulnerable subject, I want to write about it, because once you know this – you can be free from constantly expecting people to see and understand you for who you are.
So much unhappiness is rooted in expectations not being met. I want to free you from this awful feeling of being misunderstood, and what sometimes feels like for me, being invisible in some relationships.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”
Guard your hearts, amazing people. Choose wisely with whom you share it as your heart is the “source of life.” I’ve said it many times and I’ll say it again… for those of us in this world who are daring life not to let us do what we love, those of us who are living out of our REBEL hearts, we especially need to hold fast to this concept. We need that “source of life” every single day to keep doing what we are doing.
And as you become more authentically you, and as you practice self-love & acceptance, and as you come to see and understand yourself for who you truly are, you will attract like minded people. Those are the relationships in which you can really be the amazing human that you are… wait for those relationships if you don’t have them already. If you settle for less, you are just selling yourself short.
I have experienced both ends of the spectrum.
I have been so deeply misunderstood that I felt like I was in a never ending black hole, exhaustingly grasping for something to grab onto only to find that it never ends – and the cycle just kept perpetuating itself.
I have also experienced being so deeply seen and understood that when I’ve been confused about my feelings, my friend was able to reveal them to me because she knew the intricacies of my heart.
Relationships can be hurtful, but they can also be incredibly beautiful. I will end with these lessons I have derived from my own experience:
1. Be aware of your expectations.
We all want to be seen and understood for who we are, but you cannot expect someone to extend you something that they do not extend themselves.
2. Guard your heart, for it is the source of life.
Have fun and make friends – make as many as you want, but be careful with whom you share your heart as it is incredibly valuable. (You wouldn’t give a billion dollars to just anyone…)
3. You will attract the right relationships if you are being authentically you.
Wait for them. It takes courage to be vulnerable and share who you truly are, but in the right relationships, this sharing will greatly enhance your life.
My hope for you is that you surround yourself with people who love you for who you are and vice versa. Anything less, I would argue, is probably not worth much of your time.
(That being said – ALWAYS be kind… BUT you get to choose with whom you share your precious time and heart.)